I remember sitting alone at my neighbor’s dining room table sixteen years ago, my 8 month old baby sleeping over at Grandma’s house across the street.
The annual New Year’s Eve party was in full swing.
I sat and I watched. Observing the energy of life and love swirl around me, I felt none of it. I only knew my own grief and depression as it had been slowly draining me for the last three and a half weeks. My husband had chosen a new life, and I now had the responsibilities of both mother and father . . . nurturer, protector of the home, meal preparer, financial provider, diaper changer,
reader of books, and keeper of crayons.
Numb to anything but the familiar fear and anxiety of what life would look like moving forward, I couldn’t relate to any of the enthusiasm around me. There was no “merry” or “happy” of the season for me.
Until…
A gradual feeling rising up from my toes to the top of my head, and settling in my heart . . .
JOY. PEACE. CONTENTMENT.
I could feel God’s presence filling my entire being, covering me in the protection of His peace. I remember just wanting to laugh and cry all at the same time. In that moment I knew one thing without a doubt.
Only God could transform my pain to peace in a single breath.
There was no other explanation. In His kindness and compassion, Jesus made Himself known to my spirit through His Spirit.
In response, I prayed a surrender to my Savior.
“Lord, have Your way with my life. I trust You. Only You could bring such an unbelievable peace and joy that pierced my depression. It makes no sense, and that’s how I know it’s You!
Please use my pain for Your purpose of healing and redemption in the lives of people all around me.
Don’t let my heartache and devastation be wasted, Lord Jesus. Use it to bring about Your glory! Have Your way with me.”
This covering of Peace in my surrender to God’s perfect purpose, however, didn’t miraculously turn my New Year into sunshine and rainbows. There was no forced happiness or facade of perfection.
I still struggled daily through my life as a single mom, attacked by memories and accusations from my old life.
Thankfully, I had reminders of how to hold onto that Peace.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:6-8 NIV
I had constant opportunities to practice focusing my thoughts on the pure, lovely, admirable and excellent.
That part was not easy.
However, the confirmation of God’s presence in my pain that I felt on that Eve of the New provided a sense of validation, giving me a determination to push through and not give up. It was hard, intentional work to choose to redirect my thoughts back to the honoring and pleasant thoughts.
“Jesus, please replace my anger, bitterness, rage and resentment with peace, forgiveness, kindness and compassion.”
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.
Isaiah 26:3-4 NIV
I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:1-2 NIV
It’s no surprise that God has the power to bring peace to our circumstances. It’s when He chooses to use His power to bring His peace down to us that can often catch us off guard. Last week we celebrated the birth of Christ, when
God Himself took on human flesh to accomplish His purpose of offering eternal salvation to the world.
The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.
Luke 1:28-33 NIV
Baby Jesus, the unexpected King . . . I assume Mary was a little surprised by Peace herself!
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6 NIV
It’s no doubt that the Prince of Peace lives up to His name. Scripture provides so many examples of Jesus as the constant source of calm in the midst of turbulence and terror.
One day he got into a boat with his disciples, and he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side of the lake.” So they set out, and as they sailed he fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water and were in danger. And they went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” And he awoke and rebuked the wind and the raging waves, and they ceased, and there was a calm.
Luke 8:22-24 ESV
Each time I read or hear this passage, I can picture the effect Jesus’ presence had on His disciples.
Instantly, the threat of danger was gone.
Jesus calmed the storm, which stilled the fears of those in the boat with Him.
But I imagine there’s more.
Just think of the effect the Prince of Peace had on all the other boats in the area. Not only was the storm calmed for His disciples, but that plea for help calmed the waters for anyone around them as well. Whether or not they knew it was Jesus who stopped the storm, the wind and raging waves ceased.
In the moment of my panic, fear and depression on that night 16 years ago,
Divine Peace calmed my inner storm.
And now, so many years later I can look back and see how that settling of God’s peace on my life has affected other lives in the vicinity for good. And for that I am eternally grateful. My suffering wasn’t wasted.
One of the reasons the Christmas season is so special to me is that I am reminded of God’s faithfulness and provisions during the difficult seasons. God carried me through that first December as a single mom, and has since allowed me to recognize so much of His goodness that has happened as a result of that struggle. I am regularly surprised by Peace during the potentially hectic hustle and bustle of the season.
So I want to leave you with a few moments of peace that I captured this Christmas season.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
John 16:33 NIV
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My first Story of the Month, “Again & Again” is a children’s fictional short story, inspired by my blog Obedience vs. Convenience. It is about the rewards of perseverance and hard work, despite the temptation to give up.
