“A Mother’s Map to Identity” | Originally Published May 13, 2023
This is the story of my own motherhood.
SINGLE MOTHERHOOD
Panic was her response to reality’s slap in the face. She was on her own. Momma and baby, together and alone. She would have to go back to work to provide for the two of them.
Gone were her fairytale dreams of being a stay-at-home mom.
Now she was a single mom.
A divorced mom.
Labels and judgements from people on the outside looking in. She was marked forever. How would she ever do it? Would she miss all his firsts? Would she be at the office when he took his first steps? His first two-wheeler ride down to the end of the street? Someone else would get to cherish those memories of her baby while she was forced to be away from him. At the office. She couldn’t do it alone!
“You CAN do it. You ARE doing it!”
FULL-TIME WORKING MOTHERHOOD
The days were so long, only to get home and start her evening shift.
Dinner, playtime, story time, bedtime…
Long, empty, quiet nights . . . to get up and do it all over again. Thankfully, it was her mom who cared for her son. He wouldn’t be missing out on library time and beach days . . . but she would.
One redeeming aspect of her obligation was that she enjoyed her work. At least she was providing for him financially. At least she could start saving for the better days to come. The hours away from him held at least some validation for her.
“God knew.
This is part of His redemption for me… my work is rewarding, because I’m wired this way. I’m better at the business, and for this season it’s my responsibility. Thank you, Lord.”
LONELY MOTHERHOOD
All her responsibilities throughout the mornings, afternoons and evenings kept her busy with to-dos. She stayed distracted with diaper changes and naptime breaks. Breakfasts made, diaper bags packed, potty training and tantrums.
But then, at night…her house was empty, and her heart forgotten… lonely… desperate… longing. With a contented child in his crib, her purpose asleep for the night, she felt like a prisoner in her home. There was nowhere to go, because she needed to be here. When friends didn’t answer, and texts were quieted, the only thing left to do was feel abandoned.
“I’m right here. Come to Me. I am your Comfort.”
DATING MOTHERHOOD
It was backwards. All of it was in the wrong order. She didn’t know how to date. Who was she kidding? Her first date had become her husband. And now, after seven years and three months with him, plus one year and three months without him, she was supposed to find someone else?
“Don’t worry, Sweetheart. I have someone for you. Together, you will draw close to Me.
He will be the father to your children and best friend to your heart.”
MARRIED MOTHERHOOD
She had been doing it on her own for the last five years. Now it was time to bring someone new into their family dynamics. All at once, there were firsts and beginnings in every direction. The loneliness was gone, and in its place was a partnership. Help through the sleepless nights of parenting. Comfort in reactions gone wrong. Apologies and humility. Remorse and forgiveness.
Two had become One.
One had become Two.
Two had become Three.
This new little family learned so much together. Along with all the new… new responsibilities, new home, new job, new roles… she learned to shift her perspective. No longer was she the only provider, the only protector. She could sleep easier at night knowing she didn’t need to be on guard, listening for any strange sounds or unfamiliar noises outside her home. He was there.
“You’re safe. My Light keeps the darkness away.”
MORE AND MORE MOTHERHOOD
Sooner than expected, their family of three turned to four . . . to five . . . to six. From pregnancy to nursing to toddlers and back to newborns . . . over those five years her body was on loan to her babies . . . and she wouldn’t have it any other way.
But never did she imagine such conflicting emotions within the week of that fourth positive pregnancy test.
Another baby . . .
Exhilaration.
Childhood Leukemia . . .
Devastation.
“PEACE.”
“Ezekiel means: God will strengthen. I will strengthen him. I will strengthen you. I will use him to strengthen others.”
MUNDANE MOTHERHOOD
Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year . . . the same. old. thing. Take the kids to school. Don’t make them late. There weren’t any clean socks. The boys were fighting again.
“Lord, I missed my time with You . . . again . . . this morning before the day began. When will I find the time when there’s always a little one who needs me?”
She told herself she’d go to bed sooner tonight so she could wake up earlier in the morning tomorrow. She wanted to have slower mornings, more intentional time for breakfast and school preparation. The day was not turning out as planned. Naptime was too short, which meant work time would also be cut short. Lunchtime already? She couldn’t keep up. Another dirty sock, last time in the living room, this time in the kitchen. Was her home just one, big dirty laundry hamper? How could she keep spinning in this vicious, smelly cycle? She tried to tidy, she tried to clean. But what was the point?
“Whatever you do for one of the least of theses . . . you do for me.”
Repentance. Forgiveness. Renewed motivation and humility. With resolve in her spirit, she chose to make an effort towards servanthood. Leading by example, she taught her little ones over and over again. Kindness. Honesty. Complete obedience. Helpfulness. Love. Respect.
STILL MORE MOTHERHOOD
Sixth grade graduation arrived with mixed feelings. Pride for her first born with the realization that these seven elementary years, plus three more, would immediately begin again with her younger children. Kindergarten, second grade, third grade and tenth grade.
Toddler to Teen
These stages of child-training looked so differently, and sometimes her parenting paths would cross, leaving none of them very pleased.
Her friends with toddlers didn’t often understand the teenager tendencies, and her teen mom friends were long past the tantrums and time-outs. Her one, close friend who knew the two together, with a wide-spread age gap between her own, had moved away making coffee and conversations a virtual necessity.
Who would she go to? How would she cope in these motherhood messes?
“I am your Wonderful Counselor. Listen for My answers. Follow My direction.”
GRAND MOTHERHOOD
Yes, the hard times were hard… but the good times were grand! Would her heart ever be settled without more babies, more toddlers, more teens?
What would it be like when the babies were her grands? Still more snuggles, still more giggles, still more diapers, and owies, and kisses to cure.
Either way, I pray…
“Father, thank you for making me a mother. If it’s your will, I will hold more . . . I will rock more . . . I will love more. Your will, Lord. Expand my heart every day to love your children well.”
DAUGHTER OF THE KING
“You are My Beloved. In My Image you were created. You are defined by Love, for I am Love. My scars heal you. My victory over death redeems you. Before you are their mother, you are My Daughter. You are Mine, and I am yours.”
So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:16-19 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Romans 8:15-17 NIV But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.” Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child. And since you are his child, God has made you his heir. Galatians 4:4-7 NLT
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